Vapor Mist Life

These are some crazy times we’re living in, amiright?! If nothing else, can the world just agree that we’re all crazy and it’s not a contest? No matter where we each land on today’s [feisty] hot topics like masks v. naked faces, vax v. no vax, freedom to choose v. mandate everything – there’s many a topic we could choose from to get divisive about. Christians and non-believers alike are fired UP about any and all of the topics and which is right, who is dumb, how it should be… and it seems like no one in any of the camps is having stage fright speaking their mind and reminding you that if you don’t agree with their stance, you are literally THE worst. 

I wonder, though, what would happen if we Christians were this passionate about reminding people that there’s actually an eternal life we should all be worrying about more than this current one we find ourselves in. The Bible tells us like it is – this life is but a vapor. It is a mist, that appears and then is gone. And once it vanishes, it’s on to the actual life that this quick, dress rehearsal one was preparing us for. “…What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.” James 4:14

Insert spoiler alert here – we are all terminal. We will all die. Every single person you meet on this earth will spend eternity somewhere. Either in heaven or in hell. Why aren’t we screaming it from the rooftops?! Why isn’t that on the newsfeed blowing up your phone? Because the enemy is real and his tactic is to steal, kill and destroy… #oldnews. He’s stealing your peace and killing your hope and destroying your relationships. And we’re just standing around letting him. Well, I, for one, am done. 


If you are a Christian and you believe the Bible, we are instructed (repeatedly) not to fear. Should we walk around and lick doorknobs and be reckless? No. But we should be so focused on making disciples and sharing the Good News (aka the GOSPEL) that clickbait headlines about all the horrible ways we’re going to either die or inadvertently murder everyone we know and love would be irrelevant to us. We are supposed to be living on mission! If we truly love our neighbors, wouldn’t we be sharing Jesus and letting our lost friends know there’s a way to ETERNAL LIFE through Jesus Christ rather than making an idol out of this vapor mist life?!

The situation is this – God is holy. We are not holy. We are all sinners condemned to die. Even if you’re a “good person” and your “family is Christian” and you “go to church” and you “are kind to people #beakindhuman”. The Bible says there is no one good, no not one –  “And Jesus said to him, ‘Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone.’” Luke 18:19 

But God, in His infinite love and provision, sent His son Jesus to pay for our sins by dying on a cross. Your sins will all be paid for – either by you in hell, or by what Jesus did on the cross. He offers up a free gift to anyone willing to admit they are a sinner and repent and come to Him. Jesus overcame death – after He died on the cross, He came back to life three days later and conquered death, making a way for those of us who accept His gift to live eternally. And not only that, but to have the peace that only He provides as we live out our days on this earth with His Spirit indwelling us.. “Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were appointed for me, when as yet there was not one of them….” Psalm 139:16. God has numbered our days before we were even born and we can rest and trust Him. We can trust that the God who created the entire universe and numbered every person’s days before He created them, is trustworthy and true. Let’s all decide to focus on our mission here on this planet – to love God and love others, to go and make disciples and to share the Good News! .

Easter Memories Old and New

Fourteen Easter seasons ago Ryan and I were processing the information that had just been handed down to us from a perinatologist in Austin, Texas informing us that our son had spina bifida. Finding out that something is wrong with your child is completely overwhelming. I’ve said before in that moment, there was really no going back to life before hearing that diagnosis. From the way I saw it, there were three different endings; all of them difficult.. If we chose to terminate, which was offered to us as a “treatment”, I’m not sure how you heal from that. If our baby ended up dying in utero or at birth, I’m not sure how you heal from that. Or, if we chose to educate ourselves on his diagnosis and then try and give him the best chance at life, I’m not sure how you heal from that. There is no handbook for this.

This [Holy] week, we are approaching Easter weekend, 14 years after receiving our original diagnosis and Hayden is currently inpatient in a pediatric ICU dealing with multiple acute diagnoses. (And this, coming off of a full week of all eight of our family members taking a turn with a brutal stomach bug.) We were already living on little to no sleep and then Hayden‘s stomach bug transitioned into respiratory issues, and pneumonia and a virus and also a UTI. He had been feeling pretty miserable for quite a few days and since we know when to fold ’em, we took him to the ER for admission into PICU late last week..

We’re writing our own handbook as each day and month and year passes by. I’m constantly being asked questions about Hayden‘s care or Hayden‘s needs. Every.single.month someone from Medicaid calls me and asks me what appointments Hayden has been to, if there have been changes in his care, if he has any new diagnoses. None of these are things that I chose nor would I pick to be doing. But, it is the reality of trying our best to give Hayden the best life possible. And I have to say, I’m pretty dang proud of the life he is living.

Not only has he taught me countless lessons about life and made me a braver, more confident caregiver and advocate, but he has put a spotlight on our family. And now that we’re in plain view to the world, we will to point the world to Jesus. I will never stop saying that I hope and pray when people look at our family and everything that we’re doing and the chaos of it all, that they only see our JOY and I want more than anything for them to know that the source of that joy is JESUS. What better time to remind the world than with Easter weekend approaching in a few days?

Fourteen years ago on Easter weekend, my world was falling apart. But around 2000 and so years ago on Passover weekend, Jesus‘ world was falling apart and yet also falling into place. It is because of Easter weekend that our family has the hope that we have. Because, you see on Easter weekend after He was murdered on mine and your behalf, Jesus was buried in a borrowed tomb, but only for three days. He was resurrected on the third day and overcame death! And in so doing, he has given my family, and your family, the chance to also overcome death. Because of the gift and good news of the gospel (i.e. Jesus died for our sins and rose again and now we have a free gift for the taking), we have hope in eternity. So, when I watch my son lay in his hospital bed feeling miserable or I see him struggle in his wheelchair because of his inability to walk, or when I see his Autism diagnosis get in the way of he and his peers interacting, I do feel grief for what is lost on this earth – but beyond that I have joy. Because I know that no matter what happens on this planet, because Hayden has accepted the free gift of salvation that Jesus offered to him, Hayden will have eternal life in heaven and will be restored one day. I know that with 1000% certainty. I just wish that everyone else would come to know that, too. Look at this child, look at our family and see that there is something bigger than yourself and this world, and that there is a source of life and hope and joy.

So coming into this Easter weekend, I am thankful. I am thankful for all the years I’ve had with Hayden, I am thankful for the platform to share Jesus. I am thankful that God can turn ashes into beauty. I am thankful that 14 Easters ago my world and I knew it was ending. Because when my world ended, my life was actually able to begin. I pray that our family will bless you and encourage you and have you seeking truth. For me, it took an earth shattering event to wake me up to how wonderful God‘s plan is. And if sharing our truth and our life with the world brings one more person into communion with God, then every single tear that I’ve cried over the span of 14 years was absolutely worth it.

The only thing that matters, is you knowing Jesus. Knowing His love for you and the sacrifice He made for you. There is no time like the present. I can tell you firsthand, life is short. Don’t put off another day coming to know the Lord. And not just so that you get to go to heaven. Yes, that’s great.I hope we get to be neighbors and hang out together for eternity. But please don’t just be after Jesus for His stuff. Be after Jesus for Jesus. He makes each day worth living and coming to know Him more and more each day has been the greatest gift of my life.

“If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” Romans 10:9

No Refunds or Exchanges

You know how some stores have strict and sometimes even nonexistent refund policies? “All Sales Final” posted in the window means, if you plan to shop, you better love what you get and be prepared to stick with it, because there are no take backs.

That’s parenthood, isn’t it? You have a kid and all of a sudden you’re in a situation where, “You get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit.” My special needs son is now ten. And he is my first born. So up until Hayden entered my life a decade ago, I didn’t know anything about even being a parent, let alone a parent to a special needs child.

Now this post isn’t a pity party. (I do have pity parties on rare occasions and the guest list is quite small, reserved seating only for those closest to the madness. In fact, my first pity party was held in the Postpartum unit at St. Luke’s Hospital in Houston in 2007. My mother in law and I were the only attendees and we held the pity party in the hallway while walking the unit, post surgery, trying to prevent blood clots and building up my strength. We took a moment right near the “healthy babies” in the nursery window to bawl our eyes out, right along with the babies, as we thought of how much we wished Hayden was with us instead of in an ICU in the hospital next door.)

I write a lot about how I had no comparison to what “normal” should be when Hayden was born. I count that a blessing. I didn’t know any differently and I just did what needed to be done. However, due to my own blissful ignorance, I have had moments of enlightenment mixed with grief. I remember back when Hayden was about two and half or three, I was by myself visiting a friend who had a child just a few months older than Hayden. This friend and I were seated on her couch and she asked her three year old, “Bring Mommy the phone.” And he did it. Like, he heard her. He processed the request. He used his legs and went over and retrieved the item she needed. And he brought it to her. Just like that! In that moment, I just froze and stared in amazed bewilderment. Is this what kids can do?? Is this what Hayden would do if he could? She didn’t even have to lay out the steps one by one. She didn’t have to give him two choices of which item she needed. She didn’t have to put him on a scooter board, prone, and make sure he was secured so he could pull himself to the item. This was the most amazing thing I had ever seen a kid do!

There was another time, I was out of town for a conference and I stayed the night with some friends of ours who had two kids, probably around the ages of 5 and 1. They had cooked a lovely dinner and the five of us sat down to eat. We each sat in our spot, the kids fed themselves and no one’s oxygen monitor indicated a desaturation, no one needed suctioning; we just sat there and ate. And afterward the kids took a bath and went to sleep. Then there was free time. I do not exaggerate when I say I literally, felt like I was in a resort. No one needed an hour’s worth of treatments before bed, no one needed to have their meds drawn up, there was no troubleshooting of ventilators and concentrators, and after the kids were asleep no one had to prepare tomorrow’s blenderized foods and draw up food bags. It was incredible. And I do not say that to discount parenting typical children who are 5 and 1! That is hard work, too! I have other kids who are typical and I know there are challenges with every child. It’s just that my observations of this family revealed what “normal” would look like.

Even now, as my son is ten and his peers are staying home alone for small amounts of time, my mind is just BLOWN. How is this happening?! Every day that passes, more shots of grief strike at random times when I least expect them. A scroll through my Facebook feed recently revealed nearly the whole 5th grade class went to a sleep away camp together for three days. As all the proud mommas posted pictures of their child’s send off to camp, inside I ached as a knife twisted my heart. I know my son won’t be able to do everything like everyone else his age. (Heck, at this point he homeschools anyway so this particular trip wasn’t even an option for him as he’s not enrolled in that school anymore – but it’s just the principle of the whole matter.) And then my inner voice starts to get frustrated that other moms get to post their pictures while I sit and ponder, “Do they even know how I feel? How hard this is for me? How lucky they are?” It’s like this selfish indignation that occasionally rears its ugly head.

You know, as many “cons” that I could list and dwell on, if I allowed myself to do so, there are more “pros” than I could probably ever count. Yes, I have had to deal with changing diapers and cleaning up poop for a solid decade and counting. I’ve watched my son miss out on events and experiences. I’ve had to neglect my other two typical sons and watch them struggle as they yearn for my attention. I mourn often of what our “normal” family would have looked like and how different things would have been. However, the people we have met on this journey – other special needs moms, Special Ed teachers, precious doctors and nurses, celebrities like Pat Sajak and Vanna White and John Cena, – the experiences we have had as a family like participating in a Make a Wish trip, watching Hayden develop and grow in his own skin and becoming a self proclaimed “VIP”, and developing friendships with people we never would have met like Aaron Watson, Cal Johnson, Kathleen Barkley, our town’s mayor and so many more, are all things I would never want to have missed out on. Mostly, the biggest “pro” to top the list is that we have a true perspective of LIFE. We have a fresh opportunity every single day to live out sacrificial love. I will never look at situations, circumstances, or “stuff” the same way. And that is because I was given Hayden, to be mine.

There’s a Southern Gospel song that I absolutely love whose lyrics speak truth to me. “I Wouldn’t Take Nothin’ for My Journey Now” says,

“I’ve had a lot of heartache and I met a lot of grief and woe
But when I would stumble then I would humble down
And there I’d say, I wouldn’t take nothin’ for my journey now”

This journey isn’t something I would have picked for myself, but it is undoubtedly one I would never trade. The lessons and experiences from this life are priceless, but ultimately, the reason I would never trade it, is because I have grown closer to Jesus BECAUSE of my circumstances. And for that I am so, so grateful to be in this place that is difficult, exhausting, and unfair. It’s in this place that I am humbled to look UP to Him and praise His name for His sovereign plan and for the gift of salvation that He offers to us all. Because of what He has done for us, by dying on the cross, we can all have hope of eternity with Him.

“That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are quite small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last FOREVER! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

It’s impossible for me to read those words and not tear up. God is so gracious to have given us Jesus to make a way for us to have hope. And so during my circumstances, that I wasn’t wise enough to even know I needed, I look to Him and am eager for an eternity with Him. I trust Him completely and I know that none of this world is about me – it is about HIM and spreading God’s glory throughout all of the world. I am incredibly honored and blessed that we get to do just that in the even tiniest way, by using our situation to continue to give glory to God.

If you don’t have that relationship with Jesus, or if you have questions about how to develop such a relationship and feel secure in your eternity, as always, please reach out to me or a local church. My contact information can be found under the “About” tab on this blog.

I’ll sum up with this line from a friend of Hayden’s, Aaron Watson. “No it won’t all go the way that it should, but I know the heart of life is good.”

What Are You Even Saying?

In this world and in this life I live, I find my hope in Christ alone. People who are close to me have heard me talk about being #RaptureReady. In my circle of Christian friends I’ve heard people use the phrase “Come quickly, Jesus,” after insane world events or other disasters. I long for the day Jesus will come quickly and put an end to all of this madness and evil and sin. However, I started to wonder if there are people out there who don’t know why Christians make statements like this.

I can’t speak on behalf of all Christians everywhere or about all the different theologies and beliefs out there; I can only speak to my own walk with the Lord. I know this world is not my home. My home is in heaven because I am a follower of Christ and have a personal relationship with Him, one He initiated with me and that I accepted from Him through faith. And through that same faith, I trust completely that this world is not all there is for me. One day, this lifetime here will be a far off distant, foggy dream. “Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will give us later.” Romans 8:18

The Bible tells us that this earth will end one day; this earth will be destroyed and a new heaven and a new earth will be created – (“Then the heavens will pass away with a terrible noise, and everything in them will disappear in fire, and the earth and everything on it will be exposed to judgment.” 2 Peter 3:10, “Heaven and earth will disappear, but my words will remain forever.” Luke 21:33, “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared. And the sea was also gone.” Revelation 21:1, and many other verses…)

To get down to the basics of it, one day the earth will end. But before this earth ends, we will have signs to look for to know that time is winding down. And as we see the time winding down, from the signs described to us in the Bible, the church looks for Christ’s return to take His believers home. “You should look forward to that day and hurry it along – the day when God will set the heavens on fire and the elements will melt away in the flames. But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness dwells.”  2 Peter 3:12-13

The reason we can look forward to that, is because as believers we know we will spend eternity in heaven with the Lord. And for that reason alone, I am able to get up every morning and do the work that has been assigned to me during my time here. “Since everything around us is going to melt away, what holy, godly lives you should be living!” 2 Peter 3:11

It is not easy and there is suffering. Jesus said that and was very upfront about it – that following Him meant there would be suffering and pain, but that we should rejoice in the suffering because it is for the Kingdom’s cause. We should embrace suffering. That’s not a very popular concept in this day and age. We want comfort and ease and success and “stuff”. But it’s all going to burn one day. The only thing you can take with you is the work you did for the Lord. “And even we Christians although we have the Holy Spirit within us as a  foretaste of future glory, also groan to be released from pain and suffering. We, too, wait anxiously for that day when God will give us our full rights as his children, including the new bodies he has promised us.” Romans 8:23

See, there’s not going to just be a new heaven and a new earth. There will a new body. Which is why I know without a shadow of a doubt that my son will one day never need his wheel chair again. It’s a temporary accessory that will one day burn up with this earth. But my son’s spirit and soul and brand new body will live for eternity with Christ because of the tremendous gift Christ offered to us. To all of us. For free – you just have to accept it. This earth has an expiration date, and if you can’t tell that time here is getting shorter and shorter, I’m not sure what else will wake you up. I know we’re supposed to be politically correct and let everyone do their own thing, but I love you too much to not tell you about Christ and how much He flipping loves you and wants you to be with Him in eternity! “The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise to return, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to perish, so he is giving more time for everyone to repent.” 2 Peter 3:9

If you’re not a believer, hop onto BibleGateway.com and read some of the Word or send me an email with your address and I will send you a Bible. If you want to repent of your sins and walk with the Lord (please note, I did not say be perfect – but walk with Him and have Him guide you), then pray to Him and just call out to Him. If you want a person to talk to or ask questions to, I now make myself available to you. This post is different from my usual post, but it’s just down to the heart of it. I could beat around the bush, but at the end of the day, and of the world, I just want you to know that God loves you, sent His son Jesus to take the punishment for your sins and He can redeem you if you just ask Him.